Parental Influence on Child Development
After a decade in the education industry, I've witnessed both the challenges and triumphs experienced by students and parents alike. But more often than not, parents struggling to address issues related to their child's performance, attitude, or commitment find it difficult to create lasting change. However, when observed over a longer period, patterns start to emerge—often linked to seemingly minor, yet frequently overlooked, factors. These connections could potentially offer the solutions parents are seeking.
The solution, however, isn’t as simple as it may seem. People often seek quick, one-size-fits-all fixes that fit conveniently into their lives. I can't blame them—who really has the time these days? From the moment we wake up until we go to bed, we are overwhelmed with tasks and responsibilities.
However, coming back to the solution, if I had to boil it to its simplest form, I would sum it up into two words: attention and exposure. What follows is an attempt to offer a solution that is not only anecdotal but also supported by studies.
The human brain is one of the most complex objects in the universe, consisting of 86 billion neurons—about the same number as there are galaxies in our universe. Even more complex, beautiful, and fascinating is the brain of an infant. In the first few years of life, there’s an explosion of synaptic connections—links between neurons. More than 1 million new neural connections form every second. These connections are responsible and lay the foundation for learning, development, language acquisition, emotional regulation, and motor skills.
In fact, during childhood, the brain grows so rapidly that by age 3, a child's brain has about twice as many synapses as an adult's brain. By age 6, the brain has already reached approximately 95% of its adult volume. Imagine the fireworks of development happening inside this tiny brain. The speed at which a child learns new things is astounding, far surpassing any other period in their adulthood.
As the famous idiom goes: strike the iron while it is still hot, but unfortunately the tragic reality here is that many parents miss out on the opportunity to make a real impact during this crucial stage.
Let’s take language development for instance, research has shown that when a child is immersed in an environment where they are consistently exposed to a specific language at a high frequency, significant linguistic progress can be observed. However, if the same child is exposed to the same language at the same frequency but only to simple linguistic stimuli— i.e only basic, simple, straightforward language structures, the development tends to be minimal. This is one reason why new parents are often encouraged to minimise the use of "baby talk" when communicating with their infant during early developmental stages. Instead, using richer, more complex language helps stimulate greater linguistic growth. This isn’t to suggest that parents should avoid “baby talk” entirely; rather, we should be mindful of the type of language used around infants, and that there should be a balance in the richness of the language, as this will lay the foundation for their future learning and development.
Additionally, when a baby gestures, babbles, or makes facial expressions to capture our attention, they are actively seeking interaction. Studies show that in cases where parents did not respond to these babbles and gestures, the brain architecture of those children did not develop as expected, leading to disparities in learning and behaviour. Our responses—or lack thereof—toward our children have a profound impact on their developmental process. This act of responding to young children when they seek interaction is called serve-and-return.
Interestingly, it is of no surprise that scientists now believe that a key ingredient in a child's developmental process is the relationship between children and their parents or other caregivers in the family and community.
As a school manager, I encounter hundreds of students and parents. One thing I've noticed in nearly every parent-child interaction is that, inadvertently, the child is almost a mirror reflection of the parents. I don't mean this in a physical sense; rather, observing a parent allows you to trace back how the child has evolved into who they are today. Yes, there are exceptions.
While this observation may seem natural, logical, or even redundant, there's much more beneath the surface than it appears. To better understand this, let’s do a tiny thought experiment:
If you don't understand why:
Your child can't stay off their phone:
Ask yourself: As a parent, how much time do you spend on your phone? What boundaries do you set for yourself when it comes to using your smartphone or other devices?
Your child is addicted to social media:
Ask yourself: As a parent, how much time do you spend on social media? How active are you on these platforms?
Your child doesn’t read books:
Ask yourself: As a parent, how many books do you read in a week or month? Do value reading time? Is it part of your daily routine?
Your child doesn’t complete their homework:
Ask yourself: What are you doing while your child is supposed to be doing their homework?
Neuroplasticity refers to the brain's ability to reorganise itself. The neuroplasticity of a child is such that the brain is exponentially more adaptable—or "plastic"—during childhood than in adulthood. This means a child is far more receptive to a wide range of interactions, experiences, and environments. They are, essentially, like sponges, ready to absorb all the new information, both good and bad, from their most immediate surrounding — their parents.
Therefore, while parents may think that their everyday actions do not have an effect on their children, the truth is that their daily habits and personal discipline, or lack of it, can actually imprint themselves on their young ones. Parental involvement and the experiences they provide to a young child form the foundation for all future learning, behaviour, and health. If a child is exposed to positive and enriching experiences, they will develop a strong foundation. On the other hand, exposure to negative or unfavourable experiences can result in a weak foundation. Much like a house, a weak foundation will inevitably compromise its overall quality and strength. A weak foundation can impair the brain architecture, so much so, that it may have lasting effects even creeping into adulthood.
For a long time parents relied on the “Do as I Say Not As I Do” approach, but in reality, the opposite holds true. From my observation, parenting is not just about managing day-to-day tasks or saying moral lessons out loud, but rather, it is about fostering an environment rich in attention and positive experiences, which eventually shapes the architecture of the child's brain. Small, consistent acts of engagement—whether through meaningful conversations, limiting distractions like smartphones, or simply being present—lay the foundation for a child's future success. We should be mindful of our behaviour and interactions, realising that our own habits and responses directly affect our child's growth, learning, and emotional well-being. The earlier and more consciously we invest in this relationship, the greater the impact we will have on shaping a confident, capable, and well-rounded individual. The future starts at home, and the most transformative changes come from intentional, everyday actions.
I understand that many of the ideas mentioned are challenging to put into practice, but it is still beneficial to be aware of them and strive to incorporate them as best as possible. I also recognise that each parent’s circumstances and resources vary, so each person may need to adapt these ideas in ways that work best for their unique situation. However, the efforts invested in the child’s early years will only make things easier for us, as parents, as the child grows older. This is akin to the proverb, "As the twig is bent, so grows the tree," which reflects the idea that a child nurtured and guided from a young age will develop in the right direction, setting the stage for a smoother path ahead.
By Gaishnav Reetoo
Manager - Reet’s High School
Reference List
Tierney, A. L., & Nelson, C. A. (2013). Brain Development and the Role of Experience in the Early Years. Developmental Review, 34(4), 313–330. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3722610/
Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University. (n.d.). InBrief: The Science of Early Childhood Development. Retrieved from https://developingchild.harvard.edu/resources/inbrief-science-of-ecd/
Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University. (n.d.). Brain Architecture. Retrieved from https://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/key-concepts/brain-architecture/#neuron-footnote
Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University. (n.d.). Serve and Return. Retrieved from https://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/key-concepts/serve-and-return/
U.S. National Library of Medicine. (n.d.). Child Development Through the Lifespan. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK525261/
